Thursday, 26 June 2014

Film Review: "Transformers: Age of Extinction" (2014).

“Stand together or face extinction” is the tagline for the new Hasbro Transfomers/Michael Bay clusterf***, Transformers: Age of Extinction. Based on the Hasbro Transformers Action Figures and is the fourth installment of the live-action Transformers film series. The film takes place four years after Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) where an automobile mechanic and his daughter make a discovery that brings down the Autobots and Decepticons - and a paranoid government official - on them. Like its predecessors, the film is, sadly, once again directed by Michael Bay (Mr. "umm... umm... umm... I'm sorry I can't do this" and Hollywood's b*****) with a screenplay written by Ehren Kruger, who served as screenwriter since Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009).

The film stars Mark Wahlberg in the lead role. All of the cast's performances were ineffective. They couldn't be any duller than the last cast. Wahlberg who plays Cade Yeager, had a ferocious case of stupid cheesy comedy when it came to portraying the role of a father. After two minutes into the introduction of his character, his character's idiosyncratic humor and personality wasn't funny or cool anymore. After a few hours of seeing Wahlberg get dissed, overlooked and mistreated, the message becomes clear: Wahlberg is, now, a new stand-in for Michael Bay. Replacing Shia LaBeouf. And Bay is showing us just what it felt like to deal with the ocean of Haterade—the snarking, the Razzie Award, the mean reviews that Revenge of the Fallen and Dark of the Moon unleashed. He and the cast have sunk to greater levels of incompetence here. It's hard to call their performances 'acting'. Peltz's acting' doesn't exactly make herself look like Meryl Streep in comparison to Megan Fox and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a noisy, underplotted, and overlong special effects extravaganza that lacked a human touch. The film is a in-your-face, ear-splitting and unrelenting piece of sh***. It's easy to walk away feeling like you've spent 3 hours in the mad, wild hydraulic embrace of a car compactor. It was a horrible experience of unbearable length. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination. The day will come when this film, its predecessors and Michael Bay's other films will be studied in film classes and shown as a horrible example of what Hollywood has become. It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era. It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era. Of course there will be many more CGI-based action epics, but never again one this bloated, excessive, incomprehensible, long or expensive. It has a shot at the title Worst Movie of the Decade. It takes the franchise to a vastly superior level of mental retarded-ness. But in order to achieve the goal of gaining superior filmmaking, they must have three key elements which Mr. Bay always seems to lack in all of his films; story, characters and COMMON SENSE! This has to be not only the worst film of 2014, but the one of the worst Michael Bay films and one of the worst Hollywood films ever made!

Simon says Transformers: Age of Extinction receives:

See my review for Transformers: Dark of the Moon at

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