Film Review: "Artemis Fowl" (2020).

"Where our world ends, his begins." This is Artemis Fowl. This science fantasy adventure film directed by Kenneth Branagh, adapted by Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl, and based on the 2001 novel of the same name by Eoin Colfer. The film follows the journey of a twelve-year-old genius, Artemis Fowl, a descendant of a long line of criminal masterminds, as he seeks to find his father who has mysteriously disappeared.

In 2001, plans were announced for a film adaptation of the series. Miramax Films purchased the film rights, before the series' publication, with Lawrence Guterman signed to direct and Jeff Stockwell to pen the adaptation. In 2003, Colfer stated that a screenplay had been finalized and that casting was due to start the same year but expressed skepticism over whether or not this would come to pass. The film remained in development and was assumed to be in development hell until 2011, when it was reported that Jim Sheridan was interested in directing the movie, with Saoirse Ronan attached to star. In July 2013, Disney announced that they would produce the adaptation, with The Weinstein Company, covering the events of the first and second novels of the series, with Michael Goldenberg to pen the adaptation. In early September 2015, Branagh had been hired to direct the film, with McPherson to pen the adaptation. In mid September 2017, Disney set the film for an August 9, 2019 release date. The following month, Disney removed Harvey Weinstein as producer of the film and terminated its production partnership with The Weinstein Company following Weinstein's sexual misconduct scandal. Colfer has stated that he supports the changes from the source material in the film. In late December, it was announced that Irish newcomer and grandson of Robert Shaw, Ferdia Shaw, had been cast in the title role. By mid March 2018, Lara McDonnell, Josh Gad, Tamara Smart, Nonso Anozie, Colin Farrell, Judi Dench, and Hong Chau rounded out the cast. At the same time, with a budget of $125 million, principal photography commenced and took place in England, Northern Ireland, Vietnam, Italy and Scotland. In May 2019, the film's release date was pushed back to May 29, 2020. Later however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the film's theatrical release was cancelled and it was exclusively released on Disney+ on June 12, 2020.

The film stars Shaw, McDonnell, Gad, Smart, Anozie, Farrell, Dench, and Chau. Despite its stellar cast, the film is generally not in good company. Harry Potter: Relax. You could whip Artemis Fowl and his pals with your wand hands tied behind your back.

A safe, bland, test-marketed product made for tween mass consumption. Like most films arriving with ampersands and colons in the title, it's a bore. For every creative aspect, there is a contrived and rather nonsensical counter that unfortunately tips the scales more towards derivative than innovative. The film is simply uninspired in every single meaning of the word. It's probably the crassest, most obviously derivative work of this sort since Percy Jackson.

Simon says Artemis Fowl receives:

Also, see my review for All Is True.